


a thousand and one ways to swordfight your co-worker outside a denny's parking lot

by oblivioluna



Series: My Nemesis, The Bane of My Existence [4]
Category: Purple Hyacinth (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Last Installment I Swear, Rivals to Lovers, TW: Denny's, The Title Says Exactly What This Fic Is About, feat. background lauki watching kywi do the exact same thing they did, is this a ritual at this point?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:42:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24167551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oblivioluna/pseuds/oblivioluna
Summary: "En garde, Williame," Kym yells, thrusting her sword his way. "Duel me!""Why did I agree to this?" the blonde groans.___(or, our favorite couple finally gets their story told. outside a denny's. isn't it romantic?)
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White, William Hawkes/Kym Ladell
Series: My Nemesis, The Bane of My Existence [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742629
Comments: 7
Kudos: 68





	a thousand and one ways to swordfight your co-worker outside a denny's parking lot

It all started when Kieran White had drawn the first blood.

Read: 'first blood' being wrong eggs.

Alright, so maybe it isn't Kieran's fault entirely, but were it not for the former Waffle House chef's escapades, Will wouldn't have gotten into Kym's antics, which involved handcuffs and a seven-day-old GET ALONG shirt. Which led to Lauren's apartment being dominated by the pair. Which led to Will being forced to board with Kym. 

And now he is in the back parking lot of a Denny's, a real-life sword in his hands.

"En garde, Williame," Kym yells, thrusting her sword his way. "Duel me!"

"Why did I agree to this?" the blonde groans.

____

**_THREE DAYS AGO_ **

"Good work, Bella," Lauren says, patting the top of the gold retriever's head. "I can't believe how many eggs you can hold in your mouth at once."

"That dog's mouth defies all laws of science," Kieran notes, flipping a fried egg in a pan. "Have you seen Sake? Last time I saw him, that bastard was on the heels of that raccoon that loves to dig in our back trashcans." 

"He's probably chasing down the same raccoon again, love. Would you rather he be chasing down the raccoons outside the Waffle House?"

"There are no raccoons outside the Waffle House," Will drones from the living room, Kym waving a mini Nerf gun in greeting. "I'd call the office of sanitation on you if there were."

"Oh, shut it down. I don't care at this point."

He cannot tell if the head chef, aka past assassin in a past life, is joking.

A Nerf bullet hits the side of Will's head two seconds later.

"Told you my plan would work," Kym whispers loudly in his ear, as Lauren goes up to assist Kieran with the eggs, the chef planting a small kiss on the top of her forehead. "I'm a genius, aren't I?"

"It took them seven days in a literal quarantine to get along."

"Yes, but it worked out, didn't it?" she asks with the widest grin a person can muster. "You know you wanna say it, Will."

"I'm not saying a word."

"Will..."

_"No."_

"Well, if you won't admit it, you know what you have to help me do."

"I'm not helping you steal the watermelons from the 51st grocery store in Austin!" Will yelps. "You've already set a record, Kym. Does nothing quell your insatiable appetite for theft? You are a literal cop. And so am I. And so is Lauren. We are law enforcers, not _breakers._ "

"Several other cops beg to differ."

"Those cops suck and should not be called cops."

"Fair, but still. You have to make it up to me. I called it from the beginning, and even though your relationship got ruined, which double sucks, but you won't have to put up with Lauren's weird habits anymore. The girl has a Waffle House chef at her beck and call."

"I'd rather die," Will says, slumping into the couch.

"Then perish," Kym says, holding the barrel of the Nerf gun to the side of his forehead. "You know I'm gonna do it anyway, right?"

He sighs.

"Lauren's coming along."

"I am not," declares the brunette from the kitchen. "Also, this is technically my apartment now, so don't cause property damage with that gun, Kym."

"I will make no such promises."

Will's groans grow louder.

_____

They grow into shouts when he bolts out of a Trader Joe's yelling at Kym to slow down, who screams back that she cannot slow down, as she lugs five watermelons in her arms. The security guards are close to catching up with them. A shopping cart is on fire somewhere.

(Despite it all, they do not get caught.)

(But they do end up with four watermelons instead of seven.)

(Kym cries over the loss of fruit. Will comforts her awkwardly, all while hearing her sob into her hands about how bad of a comforter he is.)

____

Lauren kicks them out of her apartment afterwards.

Will is not surprised by this in the slightest.

"You really need to admit your feelings for a second-degree robber," she says as she closes the door in his face.

"I'm not admitting my feelings for a third-degree fruit stealer!" he yells back.

____

(William Hawkes is a terrible liar.)

____

**_PRESENT DAY_ **

"I've worked out my trauma over losing loved ones in the past, so don't worry about this swordfight being a substitute for me dealing with my repressed trauma, okay?"

"That was oddly specific and also felt like a fourth-wall break."

"Oh, it was."

"What?"

"Never mind," Kym says, turning away from the camera. "But you lost my fruit, Williame! I am Kym Ladell, and you have killed my watermelons. Prepare to die."

"You don't realize that you were the one who dropped half of the lost fruit, do you?"

"En garde, Williame," Kym yells, thrusting her sword his way. "Duel me!"

"Why did I agree to this?" the blonde groans.

"Because you love me!" the blue-haired heathen shouts his way, and holds up her katana in response. "Fight me, William. Kieran is going to find his prized sword all broken and I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees that it is."

"He's going to kill you, you know that?"

"I guess he really was an assassin in a past life," Kym says, grinning. _"Allez!"_

"I hate you," Will grits out as his blade clashes with hers. "I really do."

"Yeah, yeah, you love me, we - _get it!_ " Kym grunts as his sword slashes at hers, and she ducks. "I think you need to deal with your own repressed feelings, Will."

"I'm not repressing anything!" he declares, the sounds of metal on metal growing louder. Customers are staring. Someone is recording.

"I didn't get my waffle," someone whines in the background.

"That's debatable."

"Your retorts are lacking," he says, sword clashing with hers, both of them straining against the weight of their blades. 

"Oh, will you just admit it already?"

"I have nothing to admit!"

"Yeah? Why is your face getting all red?" Kym's shouts sound less like taunts and more like questions at this point.

"Because you're making me uncomfortable, Ladell!"

"Aw, is someone afraid they'll lose-"

"Fine, I _like you!_ "

Silence.

A pigeon squawks somewhere as Kym Ladell's sword falls to the ground. 

"I," Kym croaks out, swallowing, "I...did not...expect you to-"

"Surprised?" Will pants, throwing his sword to the side. "Yeah, I know. You're a pain in the ass. I can't figure out why, either."

"Kiss already," someone shouts from the crowd, and Will whirls around to see Kieran and Lauren standing there, spatula and potato peeler in hand, respectively. "We learned the hard way."

____

(They don't kiss then, but Will makes it up to Kym by buying her ten packs of watermelon ice pops.)

(She responds by returning his sword to him, a visible blush on her face.)

(A week later, Will breaks into the nearest Costco and declares that they are dating while Kym Naruto-runs for the fruit aisle.)

**Author's Note:**

> AND SCENE. 
> 
> (This was fun, wasn't it?)
> 
> (Would be a shame if I ripped your heart out with my other fics.)
> 
> :))))))
> 
> (...I'll see you on the other side, lovelies.)


End file.
